Wednesday 20 April 2016

Lost in Translation

Way back in the early days of this blog, I posted pictures of some signs I saw in China which made me chuckle because of the translation into English.

http://eddie-graham.blogspot.co.uk/2012/03/chinese-warnings.html

Recently I came across the following translation which has been taken directly from the brochure of a Beijing Hotel which shall remain nameless.

"Our representative will make you wait at the airport. The bus to the hotel runs along the lake shore. Soon you will feel pleasure in passing water. You will know that you are getting near the hotel because you will go round the bend. The manager will await you in the entrance hall. He always tries to have intercourse with all new guests".

"This is a family hotel so children are very welcome. We of course are always pleased to accept adultery. Highly skilled nurses are available in the evenings to put down your children. Guests are invited to conjugate in the bar and expose themselves to others. But please note that ladies are not allowed to have babies in the bar. We organise social games so no guest is left alone to play with themself".

"Our menus have been specially chosen to be ordinary and unexciting. At dinner our quartet will circulate from table to table and fiddle with you. Every room has excellent facilities for your private parts. In winter, every room is on heat. Each room has a balcony offering views of outstanding obscenity. You will not be disturbed by traffic noise since the road between the hotel and the lake is used only by pederasts".

"Your bed has been made in accordance with local tradition. If you have any other ideas please ring for the chambermaid. Please take advantage of her. She will be very pleased to squash your shirts, blouses and underwear. If asked she will also squeeze your trousers".

I suspect that there may be many people now clamouring to stay at this particular hotel particularly among those seeking views of outstanding obscenity or those who would like their trousers squeezed.


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